i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
