she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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