I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This is not my ceiling
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
