he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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