I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
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I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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