Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
