It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
