I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
