i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize