i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
