apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
