We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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