I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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