I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Less talking, more tequila
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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