fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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