okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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