just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
