I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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