we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
