the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
