You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
