he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
