I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
