did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
