just come out here and I will go home with you...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
