I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
