This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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