don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
