By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
