Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
