if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am one with the molecules
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
