she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
