She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
