just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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