Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
