the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
