You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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