I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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