She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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