No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
