i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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