There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
