White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
