i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
