life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
