The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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