Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
