First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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