I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
