Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
