Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
