you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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