So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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