I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My cat gives me a boner
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
