Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
