You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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