god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
