it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
