pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
