I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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