if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
