how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
