Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
