My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
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Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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