Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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