what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
