he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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