Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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