Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
