maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize