ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
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