How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
