Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
