My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
