TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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