Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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